Why I Write
I read an essay by Toni Morrison that got me thinking about why I write, even in the darkest, and most difficult times in my life.
In the essay from 2015, she said:
"This is precisely the time when artists go to work. There is no time for despair, no place for self-pity, no need for silence, no room for fear. We speak, we write, we do language. That is how civilizations heal."
I know Toni Morrison wrote these words in a world that looked quite different from the one we’re living in now, but even now in this world full of pandemic, and general uncertainty, her words resonate and hold truth, and honestly, I couldn't agree more with them.
I am a writer.
Writing isn't just something I do, it's a part of who I am. It goes down deep into my soul, and sticks with me at my core. I write, because in the written word I found my voice. I found the power to persuade, activate, and even change minds.
In telling stories, usually my own story, I realized that I am not now, nor have I ever been, alone in this world, and I learned that sharing a story can create a common thread that binds people across time and space, and shows people the richness of the identities and histories they embody.
Telling my story is an act of resistance, and a tool for justice and healing. It has shown me that I can make a difference in this world, and that who I am matters, and is good enough.
I write to document the experiences so often ignored and left unspoken in our society. I write to leave a record, and to fight against the world that would render me invisible, and proclaim I am here. I write because when everything seems dark, my words are the only tool I have to make a difference. With my words I can slay dragons and fight monsters that hide in the dark. I can give voice to truth, and share a perspective that is often lost, or willfully ignored.
I write and I create because that is where I find hope. That is where I find joy, and light. I write, because like Toni Morrison, I refuse to despair. I refuse to sit by in silence. I refuse to be sidelined by fear.
Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I channel all my pain, frustration, anger, and even joy into my work. I document my stories so that hopefully one day, people will have a glimpse into what it means to live life in a body like mine.
Even now, when I feel a sense of painfully uncertain hope, and cautious joy at the possibilities for the future, I write, because staying silent is not now, and has never been an option.
Over time, I've seen that my writing heals not only me, but others that I have never even met. I have finally closed decades old wounds that have festered because of all the things I used to leave unsaid. I have found a way to use my pain, frustration, disappointment, and the lowest points of my struggle to find my place in a community and a movement fighting for change.
Toni Morrison is right.
Now, in the uncertainty, is when artists go to work. We don't only create in times of joy, but in times of fear, and in times of pain and sorrow. Now, we create because without art, without creation there is no beauty left in the world, and there is very little hope for change.
As artists and writers, we must remember that whether we like it or not, our work is inherently political, and oftentimes revolutionary. Putting words to paper and creating things is a political act. Especially if we are marginalized in some way, our words, like our bodies make a political statement by existing in a world that often refuses to make room for them.
I'm a writer.
I document my existence, because I know that the very fact that I exist in my body in this world is a political act. I document my existence, because there is pain, joy, and beauty in existing in a world that is not made for you. I write because telling my story really does have the power to change things, and to heal wounds, especially for people who feel alone and ignored.
So, this is why I write, in the good times, and the bad, because it is how I find my voice, my purpose, my place, and my peace in the world.
