Hey Look! It's Me: Why Authentic Representation Matters To Me As A Fat, Disabled Person

For a number of years now, I've written about the importance of representing diverse bodies, including disabled bodies and fat bodies in fashion. I've talked about "cripping the runway" and how selfies are an important form of representation for people in non normative bodies. I've told stories of my childhood spent reading magazines that claim to represent "all girls" or "every body" and never once seeing somebody who really looked like me. 

I've made no secret of the fact that I think representation in fashion is essential for people in non normative bodies because clothing is one of the main ways we have to express who we are and how we would like to be seen, and if you don't see people like you wearing the clothing you want, it can be hard to imagine that there's a place for you, especially when you're younger, and already struggling with your self image because of everything that makes you different.

As both a fat and visibly disabled woman, my body is often immediately cast as unworthy, gross, or undesirable, and it can make it really hard for me to feel comfortable and beautiful in my own skin.

As a fat, visibly disabled woman I go through the world feeling invisible, and hyper visible all at once. I rarely see my body represented in the media, but I can't roll down the street without being stared at, or even sometimes being asked inappropriate questions about my body.

As I have written about before, it has taken me a long time, but I have come to accept my body just the way it is. Now, I refuse to hate myself or be ashamed of the body I inhabit. I refuse to measure my worth and value by my clothing size or a number on the scale. I have come to know that there is nothing wrong with being exactly who I am, and found expression through fashion and makeup, but I still long to see people who look like me in one way or another represented in mainstream media and fashion. Even though I have accepted who I am, I still long for the day when the rest of society, and the world, will know my body is not broken or disgusting, but worthy and beautiful.

This is why I was so excited when I stumbled across ModCloth's home page while looking for cute new clothes. I was scrolling down the page and came across a set of four photos, when I looked closer I was completely shocked and totally delighted. One of the photos featured a beautiful plus size woman wearing dresses and makeup like the ones I often like to rock, and one of the photos featured a gorgeous woman using a wheelchair and looking as fashionable as ever.

I was elated.

Here I was seeing myself in a brand I love.

It's no secret that my love affair with ModCloth goes back a while. I've always known them to be an inclusive brand, and I know from my experience at their pop-up in Washington DC that they value all people, and they will go out of their way to make mistakes right when it comes to something like accessibility. So in one way, I guess I shouldn't be surprised that they are embracing bodies like mine, but I was.

I looked at the ad, and thought back for a minute what it would've felt like to see representation like that when I was 15, and totally at war with my body, and I know it would've changed everything. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying representation in fashion will completely revolutionize the way society thinks about non normative bodies overnight, but it's definitely an important starting point.

When mainstream brands use diverse models and include disability and body size in that equation, they are sending the message that all bodies truly are worthy and beautiful just the way they are. They're saying that people in non normative bodies are beautiful as is, not in spite of the things that make them different.. They are saying that those of us in bodies like that matter, and have a place with them and their company, and when you're used to being invisible at the very best, and at the very least feeling like you're on a sideshow display, that is revolutionary.

I know this is just one small step, and we have a long way to go before we see a truly diverse and representative fashion industry that embraces people living at intersections of all forms of body diversity, but this gives me hope that we can get there.

I hope to one day see fat, disabled, and otherwise diverse body types in every store window, every fashion magazine, and on the runway, but I know that that is a really long journey, and so I will celebrate the little wins along the way.