Privilege, Identity, and Coming into Your Own: A Letter to my 18-Year-Old Self

Dear 18-year-old Karin,

As you enter young adulthood, there is so much I want to tell you. You're just in the process of discovering who you are. Some of your identities are readily apparent to you and to others, and others of them will still take you a few years to figure out, and that's okay. Identity is an ever-evolving process. I know right now you're about to get your first of quite a few fresh starts you will have in the coming years, and I know your greatest wish is to just blend in. Sweetheart, I know this is hard to hear, but no matter how hard you try, you will never just blend in, and in a few years you'll learn that that is one in your greatest strengths.

As you embark on your journey to Miami, I want you to know that you will make great friends. Friends who will help you re-imagine what it means to have faith, and you will find a faith that will grow and change and evolve with you, but always be there to ground you in something greater than yourself.

I know right now you have a lot of shame around your disability, and I want to tell you that you will learn about things like ableism and oppression. You will begin this education in Miami, with the help of an amazing woman and mentor who will begin to show you that your disability is nothing to be ashamed of, and introduce you to the world of critical disability studies, a field that will shape and change your path in ways I can only just begin to explain. 

In England, you will continue this education, both academically, by studying disability studies in a global context, and personally by falling in love with the most amazing, and yes also disabled, boy you'll ever meet. Your relationship with him will not only teach you that you are worthy of being loved just as you are, it will also show you once again that sometimes what started out as your greatest struggles, can bring you your greatest joys and passions. 

At Columbia, you will begin to tie it all together, realizing that yes ableism exists and has a major impact on your life, but that's only part of the story. These concepts will help you make sense of your experiences both growing up and on an everyday basis.

You will learn about oppression and how it affects you, but you will also learn about privilege. When you learn about privilege,  you may first feel defensive and wracked with guilt, but I'm here to encourage you to fight past that feeling and really engage with it. You will learn that your privilege is all things you don't have to think about when you leave the house. What I mean is, your privilege comes in the shape of your white skin, your upper-class upbringing, your education, and so many more things. You will come to see that your experiences and identity are shaped as much by your privilege as your oppression.

You will learn about intersectionality, a term that will help you understand how your experience as a   white person is so very different from the experience of people of color even though you still experience marginalization and oppression. You will come to understand the complicated layers of identity and how they affect the way people move through the world. You will reflect on your experiences and realize how much privilege allowed you to “buy normalcy” and be somewhat protected from the harshness of our society. You will want to change things, and you will take steps to do it, both in your own life and in the world around you.

I know right now you’re struggling, and all you want is to fit in and be like everybody else. Believe it or not, as you grow you will become more comfortable in your own skin, and even start to like and be proud of everything that you are. Disability, the thing that brings you the greatest shame, will become the cornerstone of your adult experience, bringing you to DC, England, and even Columbia. 

Disability will connect you to your first love from across oceans.It will give you a new community of amazing friends, many of whom will become like family. It will be the beginnings of your activism, and your experiences as a disabled woman will stoke your passion for making a change in the world. You will learn about and experience systematic oppression in your own way, but you will know that it’s different for you because you are not a person of color. 

You will learn that the greatest strength is not fitting into a broken system that treats people inequitably, but fighting against the system for liberation and freedom for all.  It may seem strange to you right now, but you will decide that you want to devote your life to fighting against oppression, and you will do this by studying to become a social worker. On this journey, you will learn to question your place in society and your role in perpetuating oppression, racism, and other forms of injustice. You will learn that racism and other forms of oppression don’t always have to be active or done with intent, but fighting against them is always an active choice, never a passive one.

I have so much more to tell you that I can’t quite put into words, so I will leave you with this final thought: never allow anyone to make you complacent in accepting your own oppression, or the oppression of others. Your job as a social worker and activist is not to help people adjust to an oppressive system, but rather to come alongside them in fighting against it, and breaking it down.

I’m proud of the person you are becoming, and I think you would be too.

Love always,

29-year-old Karin

Image description: a graphic with two photos of Karin, the top photo is Karin at age 18, and features Karin smiling wearing a red dress and striped sweater. The bottom photo is Karin at age 29, and features Karin smiling in a blue dress. Text next to the image reads, "privilege, identity, and coming into your own: a letter to my 18-year-old self. At the bottom of the image is a web address for Claiming Crip.