All the Tomorrows You Thought You Never Wanted
Dearest Love,
I know you don't know me, but I know you. Heck, I've been you, more times than I would like to admit. I know you're at your darkest, life seems pointless, and you feel like there's no reason to keep going. You ask, "why should I keep going when all I get are stares, cruel judgments, and misplaced pity?" "Why should I keep going if life is always going to be this hard?"
Now, I could tell you to do it for your family. Because you are somebody's child or sibling or best friend and that person will undoubtedly miss you, because they need you to give them advice and make them laugh and listen to all the secrets they can tell nobody else. I could tell you to do it for them, because that's a valid reason, and because everything I've said is true, but I'm not going to.
I'm not going to tell you to do it for anybody else. I'm not going to tell you to keep going because despite what you think in your darkest you do matter to people and they will miss you. I'm not going to say you should stick it out to spare somebody else pain, even though that’s true too.
I'm going to tell you to do it for yourself. Keep going. I promise that someday you will meet someone, or do something that will make you grateful for all the tomorrows that you never thought you wanted.
Keep going because you deserve adventures that have yet to be had. Keep going because you deserve to meet people that will bring a smile to your face even when you want to cry. Keep going because you deserve to do all the things you never thought you could, and some you have yet to imagine.
Live on because you are valuable. You bring things to this world that no one else can. Live on because you deserve it, you deserve to find passions and loves, and all the good things in life.
Believe me when I say I know how hard it can be, especially because we live in a society that treats our existence as a fate worse than death. Believe me, when I say I know how easy it is to internalize those horrible feelings, but I also know they are a lie. Who you are is beautiful, complex and valuable, and the world would not be the same without you.
I know right now it may be hard to believe, but being disabled is not a bad thing, it's just one of the many things that makes you the uniquely beautiful person that you are. Disability is nothing to be ashamed of. Whether or not you realize it right now it gives you a powerful different perspective on the world, and you are worthy of living not in spite of who you are, but exactly because of it.
Trust me, I can tell you from experience, you being gone will not make life easier for anybody, all it will do is make them miss you, and feel an ache they cannot fill. You deserve better. You deserve to get the help you need in the support you need. You deserve to live a full life and see a day when things are brighter.
Keep going because there are still too many movies to see and songs to listen to. Keep going because there are still too many adventures to be had, and problems to solve. Keep going because you still have so much love to give, and so much love to receive. Keep going and find your passion, find a way to be the person that you want to be, not the person that everybody else expects. Find what makes the fire inside of you ignite, and brings light to your eyes even when you have every reason to keep it away.
If you need support to keep you here, know I am here for you, and there is a whole community of people who will love you like family and have your back, and make you realize that everything you hate about yourself is beautiful and worthy of love.
I know when the clouds are darkest it’s hard to see the sun, but I promise it’s there.
Live on through the darkness and give yourself the time to have all the tomorrows.No matter how cheesy it sounds, I promise that one day you will be grateful for them, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.
I know I am grateful for mine.
All my love always,
Karin
This letter was written as part of the #LiveOn Project. Join the movement on Facebook, or check it out on liveon.net
For any nondisabled folks reading this, and wondering how to support their disabled friends and family who may be struggling, one of the best ways I think that you can support disabled folks is by not treating our lives as a fate worse than death.
Do not assume that depression is a natural outcome of being otherwise disabled. Do not assume that wanting to die is a natural outcome of disability. It's not. It's an outcome of living in a world that fundamentally doesn't accept us for who we are.
If a disabled person comes to you with suicidal thoughts do not treat it as no big deal, help them, support them, not in their wish to die, but in the hope of living on.
Do not use disabled lives as your worst-case scenario, or your reminder that life could always be worse.
Our lives are complex and beautiful, and worth so much more than that.
Disabled lives are worth living. Disabled lives are valuable, and it's time for the rest of the world to see that. It's time to fight for the supports that disabled people need to live a good life instead of fighting to give us a good death.
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