Stuck on K Street
Today, I got stuck on K Street. Actually, to be more precise, I got stuck in the middle of a crosswalk crossing over to K St. My chair just stopped. There I was, right in the middle of the street, and there was nothing I could do. Being immobilized in the middle of a busy street is pretty high on my list of fears, because no matter how far-fetched it seems to most people, it's always been a very real possibility for me. And it happened.
Luckily, my friend was able to help me out. He pushed my chair across the street, actually, he pushed my chair until it started working again, and a major crisis was averted. Still, it was pretty terrible being stuck in the middle of the street and realizing there was nothing I could do by myself to get out of that situation. I needed someone's help. I fundamentally couldn't do it on my own. Anyone who knows me knows that I hate that, at least I used to. Lately, I've learned it's all in the framing. Most people look at needing help as being dependent. I think sometimes we look at it like a one-way street. Something my friend said today really struck a chord with me. He said that the situation we were in was emblematic of how disabled people help each other out.
Helping each other. That's the difference. That's how framing changes everything.
Later, in recounting the story to my roommate, and expressing my justified frustration at the fact that my chair died in the middle of the road, I told her what our friend had said, and she echoed the sentiment, saying something about interdependence. Interdependence, not dependence, framing makes all the difference. People always tell me I have to learn to be comfortable with needing other people, and I'm not. I'm not comfortable with it because so many times the dialog of help gets wrapped up in the dialog of pity. So many times, I get subtle reminders that I need people more than they need me. So many times, I feel like the only person who needs help, even though I know that's not true, because I can't fake it as well as everybody else. So many times I feel dependence rather than interdependence.
Interdependence, that's probably the coolest thing about being here. We all have very real things that we can and cannot do, but we all help each other out and make it work. Isn't that the way life is supposed to be though, we're all supposed to live and work together? Then why is it that were all afraid to admit when we need something? Why is it that needing help is often looked at as a bad thing? Again, I think it's all in the framing. We create this power structure around help, and we buy into the lie that it is not a reciprocal relationship. I hate needing things from other people, because I hate feeling like I need them more than they need me, but when I look at it from the idea of interdependence, it's a lot easier to take. At the end of the day, I think we have to stop looking down on need and on help, and remember that it's not a bad thing to know somebody's got your back when you get stuck in the middle of the street. I'm glad I have my friends to help me out when I need it, and I'm glad I can help them when they need it too.
Now if only somebody could invent wheelchair AAA, that would really help me out!